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The Jews are famous for praying at the gravesites of deceased relatives, tzadikim and tzikaniyos. However, when praying at a gravesite, one should be very careful to not cross the line to the prohibited --- praying to the dead.

Many years ago, I read an article about Jews praying at the gravesite of Rachel Imeinu (Kever Rachel). The article was very disturbing because it specifically mentioned that Jews were praying to Rachel Imenu. I asked the person who circulated the article what she thought about this trend and she wholeheartedly condone it. I was shocked.

I had the occasion to consult a Halacha book for mourners and came across this excerpt below. I think it is appropriate to learn what's proper to do when praying at a gravesite.

The following is taken from the book, "Mourning in Halacha" by Artscroll.

Correct Intent in Praying at the Grave

When one prays at the graves of one's parents, forefathers, and relatives, or at other graves, one should not direct their prayers to the deceased, nor request anything from them. One should pray only to the Holy One, Blessed is He. One should not direct one's efforts towards the deceased, so that one will not be in the category of those who seek favors from the dead (doresh el hameisim).

When one prays at the graves of tzaddikim, one should request of Hashem, Blessed is He, that He have mercy upon oneself through the merit of the righteous ones who dwell in the dust. **

** Ba'er Heitev (581: ##17) However, Gesher HaChaim writes: "But many permit addressing the deceased and saying to him: 'Be our representative and pray for us to Hashem, Blessed is He." Since one asks the deceased to pray to Hashem, Blessed is He, this is not considered directing one's efforts towards the deceased himself. It is like asking a living tzaddik to pray for one." And see responsa Maharam Shick (Orach Chaim #293).

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